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Fathers need advice too, says minister

By CAROLINE OVERINGTON
Tuesday 21 November 2000

New fathers and separated fathers need counselling services of the type currently offered to women, a national forum on "Men and Relationships" was told yesterday.

New fathers often felt daunted by their responsibilities, but the focus of counselling was almost always on the mother and baby, the forum - an initiative of the Department of Family and Community Services - was told.

There were also many services available to women separating from their husbands, but men were often left unsupported, the conference was told.

Opening the forum, federal Community Services Minister Larry Anthony said the inability of some men to cope with the collapse of their relationships could have "serious and tragic consequences" for their former partners and children.

To illustrate the point, Mr Anthony cited the "tragic circumstances" surrounding the death of Victorian MP Greg Wilton, who was separated from his wife and children when he committed suicide.

"That was a wake-up call for us in politics," Mr Anthony said. "Perhaps if there was a counsellor for Greg in Parliament House, he would be alive today."

Mr Anthony said men separated from their families "need support to manage what can be an unbelievably stressful time".

Keynote speaker Richard Fletcher, of the Men and Boys program at the University of Newcastle, addressed the importance of fathers in the lives of children, challenging "the conviction that the best type of father is the one that most resembles a mother".

Professor Fletcher said schools could make fathers feel more welcome by avoiding pastel colours in waiting areas, providing form guides and Sports Illustrated magazines to parents kept waiting, and having male staff members welcome parents to school.

The needs of new fathers were addressed in a video titled I'm a Dad and a rap song using the words "I'm a new dad, and I'm important to my child".

One father, shown in the video nursing his new daughter with a bottle, said the experience was like "the death of my ego. I've given up smoking, put in smoke detectors, sold my motorbike. I'm not the most important person in the world any more. And I've fallen in love all over again."

Melbourne father Lachlan Carter, 33, told The Age he thought counselling would be a good idea for those who needed it.

He said of the birth of his first child, Claudia, 11 months ago: "The overwhelming thing was the joy at this new, wonderful creature."

But he said that in the early days, "you have to work out how you fit into the picture, when the most important thing in Claudia's life was breastmilk. There was plenty that I could do, like lots of walking, but it was only after Nicole (his partner) went back to work one day a week when Claudia was five months, that my relationship with her really broadened. You realise how hard it is."

Mr Anthony told the forum that the government was funding a $16.5million series of pilot programs to help men deal with the emotional fallout of separations, more than 65 per cent of which were instigated by women.

"Separated men have a suicide rate around six times greater than married men and about 12 times greater than separated women."

He defended changes to the Child Support Agency, under which fathers who have contact with their children will pay less in child support than fathers who do not.

"The changes aren't universally popular but they had to be made," Mr Anthony said.

Anthony seeking big changes to child support

By ANDREW FRASER

Community Services Minister Larry Anthony is confident of winning Opposition support in Parliament next week for legislation aimed at better-targeted child support, including assistance for those seeking to start second families.

In an interview with The Canberra Times, Mr Anthony said, ''It's got to be bipartisan . . . it can get too hot . . . that's why people have been reluctant to make changes to the Child Support Agency.''

The Anthony changes seek to: Ensure greater contact between paying parents and their children. Allow parents to reserve 30 per cent of their income for a second family, while still meeting their obligations to their first. Reduce the income cap (from $101,000 to $79,000) at which child-support ceases to be assessed as a percentage and becomes a fixed maximum amount.

''It's always been a sacred cow, the CSA,'' he said. "No-one's touched it since they introduced it in 1988. If I can get that bipartisan support, I can make some fairly substantial changes.''

Mr Anthony said the changes would not affect the cap of 25 per cent - introduced only last year - on the amount of child-support payments that could be specifically directed by the paying parent. The remaining three-quarters is paid directly to the other parent.

Similarly, the legislation will not alter the structure of child-support payments, which are struck as a percentage of the paying-parent's income, taking into account the number of children and the amount of contact between children and paying parent.

Some of these percentages were reduced slightly last year, but in next week's Bill, ''We're not changing the formula.''

In his interview, Mr Anthony tells of his personal experiences of the controversial area that became his portfolio.

''I had a guy working for me . . . and he said, 'This child-support stuff is driving me crazy.' I didn't know much about it. By the middle of that term that was the hardest issue any backbencher had to deal with."

Further, he had known people who had taken ''the ultimate solution'' - suicide - as they wrangled over contact with their children, child support and relationship breakdown.