SOUTH AUSTRALIAN BRANCH OF THE LONE FATHERS ASSOCIATION Inc.
"Children need their Father as much as their Mother"
LFAA National Peak Body
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SOUTH AUSTRALIAN BRANCH OF THE LONE FATHERS ASSOCIATION Inc."Children need their Father as much as their Mother"LFAA National Peak Body |
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New Members Publications MM Syndrome Web Sites
Welcome
to the Lone Father’s Association’s newsletter.
Men’s
Awareness Week
There
was a good attendance for the nightly presentations at Norwood Hall, with more
than 100 each night. And although
Friday’s Men’s Awareness Day clashed with the Adelaide 500 and the Davis
Cup, there was a reasonable attendance to the information stands in Rundle Mall,
and much positive feedback. There
were also several applications for membership and donations made.
The
committee held a meeting on the 3rd of April to discuss matters
regarding the Men’s Awareness Week.
During
this meeting, Terrie Roberts and Cathy Wilson were elected to the Committee.
We
wish to extend a warm welcome to new members who have joined over the previous
month
We
welcome any submissions for future publications, however we request full
recognition for the author of any article, for example Internet articles must be
accompanied with a Web Page Address.
From
the Internet
Unfortunately,
many Web pages dedicated to fathers and their children are American, English and
Canadian. However, human nature
being universal, and with similar Family Court systems, much of the information
and statistics can be transferred to Australian circumstances.
An
English woman who had been abused by her mother wrote the following letter.
(taken
from:
"I
guess my area of expertise is that I am a Transcender (I dislike the term
survivor) of the injustices you are fighting.
I
know first hand how PAS [Parental Alienation Syndrome] and (my favourite)
‘Malicious Mother Syndrome’ felt. I saw the way it affected my sisters, and
consequently how their abuses had repercussions for the next generation in my
nieces and nephews.
My
concern now is for other children
I
know how it felt not to be able to have contact with my Dad - I remember how it
felt when Birthday and Christmas cards and gifts had arrived and we were made to
'take the f**king things back and don't come home until you have' - I know how
it felt to see our mother's smug expression when we received neither a card nor
a gift from our Dad - But had to listen to her hate-filled comments that it
proved our (always called 'f**king ba*tard..) father didn't care about us,
But I
also remember when we were older, sneaking to meet him and he signing our
birthday cards 'from your special friend!'
I
remember having to pretend we'd not heard our Dad, or Gran and Granddad, call us
if they saw us on the street, because we'd had it screamed and hit into us that
if she found out we'd spoken to or had contact with the 'f**king bas*ards' she'd
kill us.
I
remember how loving, the only love we ever knew, our Dad was.
I
remember how he always remembered my favourite pop singer.
I
remember he always made our favourite breakfast.
I
remember one day, when we were young him coming into the kitchen after she'd
taken their meal into the living room (meat, potatoes, veg), he'd cried and
thrown his dinner on the floor, told her to get to the shops and buy us some
food — I can only imagine how it must have felt for him to see his four little
girls eating bread with sugar on.
I
remember how when she left us we were so happy, though we didn't understand why
our Dad always cried - she'd taken nearly everything even the light bulbs out of
their sockets.
I
remember our Dad used to shout "Quick kids, it's cartoon time!" and
he'd laugh even more than we did - I remember how he made everything feel
exciting.— but it didn't last — she wanted 'HER HOUSE' Mothers always get
the kids — he had to go — it was like a death sentence.
I
remember praying she would die.
I
remember asking God 'Please, let me walk for just a few minutes so I can get
upstairs and kill her.'
I
remember always thanking Him that I was disabled - I had thought it was His way
of trying to help
me escape her violence and hate.
I
remember my sisters were jealous of me - why couldn't they have been disabled so
they could go to hospital and 'special school' too.
I
remember stealing a loaf of bread with my youngest sister - we were so hungry.
I
remember how 'she'd' tell us 'Here's ten shillings — don't come back 'til
10pm' because our family were coming to visit and it didn't matter what the
weather was like.
I
remember my sisters running away time and again, but always being brought back
then getting a beating after the policeman left.
I
remember having to watch my sisters getting beaten and kicked and told if I
didn't stop sniveling I'd get the same.
I
remember getting hit because a friend phoned to see how I was. I remember
praying the ringing phone would never be for me.
But worse than all that, I remember my niece coming to me a couple of years ago
and saying 'If you don't help me 'run away' I'll have to kill myself' The very
words I'd used years before. I remember my niece asking me 'Did my daddy love
me' It broke my heart — I was able to tell her I KNEW he had loved her. I knew
he had tried to see her — I told her that sometimes a parent realises that to
keep trying to see the children they love only makes it harder for the child —
I told her her Dad was trying to protect her by not making her 'mother' angry
— I could think of no words when she said 'If it was my Daddy hurting me
someone would have saved me wouldn't they'
It
HAS to stop!
Child
abuse, and parental abuse are not 'in the best interest of the child' - When
mothers abuse, children have nowhere to go — because no one believes them.
I
don't ever want to see another child suffer as we did. I don't ever want to see
a man (or woman) broken, crying, hurt, when his children are so scared they
pretend they didn't hear him call their name. I don't ever again want another
child to be so happy they are disabled — feel lucky - even though they never
walked — because it got them away from home.
We
were lucky in that we knew our Dad loved us — we were older when she got rid
of him. No matter what evil lies she told we knew it was lies. I never want to
hear of any child having to ask the question my niece asked me 'Did my Daddy
love me?'
No
matter how 'good' or 'kind' a custodial parent is — if she or he makes a child
feel their other parent does not love them — That is a most horrific form of
child abuse. No matter how many kicks or thumps, black eyes or broken bones one
suffered, no matter how scared you were at the time, nor how much they hurt —
those pains will one day heal — what does not heal, what scars your soul and
stays in your heart forever is thinking you are unloved - that is one of the
scars that lives with you the rest of your life.
I
will work with anyone who is genuinely seeking to end such atrocities.
I
will work with anyone who wants all children to have the knowledge that no
matter if their mum and dad can't live together any more, they both still love
the child and will never ever stop loving them nor stop having them involved in
their new lives.
I
will work with anyone who wants to ensure no child will ever again wish their
abuser was male so they could have been helped.
I
will work with anyone who wants to ensure that in the future no one else has to
write the message I've just had to write." ------------
I'm
happy for you to use it in whatever way might help, Dave. I trust your judgment,
and, as you say, you can always have it where folk need to go through you to
contact me. I feel quite safe about that.
[unsigned]
The following is a
definition of Malicious Mother Syndrome
(taken
from: http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/turkat95.htm)
The
present section provides a beginning definition of the Divorce Related Malicious
Mother Syndrome, which has been derived from clinical and legal cases. As in all
initial proposals, it is anticipated that future research will lead to greater
refinement in the taxonomic criteria. The proposed definition encompasses four
major criteria, as follows:
1. A
mother who unjustifiably punishes her divorcing or divorced husband by:
-Attempting
to alienate their mutual child(ren) from the father
-Involving
others in malicious actions against the father
-Engaging
in excessive litigation
2.
The mother specifically attempts to deny her child(ren):
-Regular
uninterrupted visitation with the father
-Uninhibited
telephone access to the father
-Paternal
participation in the child(ren)'s school life and extra-curricular activities
3.
Tile pattern is pervasive and includes malicious acts towards the husband
including:
-Lying
to the children
-Lying
to others
-Violations
of law
4.
The disorder is not specifically due to another mental disorder although a
separate mental disorder may co-exist.
Meetings
Meetings
are held on the second of each month at 7:30pm sharp. Due to a few problems, the meeting this month has been moved
to the Torrens Building. We will
advise members as to any changes in the location.
The
Committee meets on the same day at 6:30pm.
Social Scene
We,
as the editors, believe that the Lone Fathers’ Association should organize a
social activity so that members can become better acquainted.
We would like some suggestions as to what kinds of activities members are
interested in.
If
you require assistance in the preparation of legal documents, we have an
association with a Paralegal, Peter Pankiewicz, who offers his services at $40
an hour. Please contact him on (08)
8378 1378, or through PO Box 6, Marleston Business Centre SA
5033.
Suggestions before
the committee
1.
That the Lone Fathers Association should establish a database of Child
Psychologists, Psychiatrists or other Medical Practitioners who are prepared to
assist lone fathers in respect to matters such as false allegations of domestic
and child abuse etc.
2.
That the Lone Fathers Association should establish a database of Child
Psychologists, Psychiatrists or Medical Practitioners who have demonstrated a
track record of being prejudiced against fathers in terms of favouring female
litigants indiscriminately in general or in specific cases of supporting false
allegations of domestic and child abuse etc.
3.
That the Lone Fathers Association establish a database of Family Court
Lawyers who seemingly advise their female clients to breach Family Court Orders.
4.
As per suggestion 3, a database could be created with respect to the
nature and types of allegations that known ‘Women’s Shelter’ Lawyers make
against Fathers eg false allegations of domestic violence and child abuse.
5.
That the Lone Fathers Association write to The Judge Administrator of the
Family Court in South Australia and ask that the Family Court develop a set of
rules and a protocol for dealing with self-represented fathers.
We
are still open to suggestions for a name for your newsletter.
Please notify a committee member of any suggestions.
Many
other fathers in our situation are not aware of groups such as the Lone Fathers
Association. Therefore, please
ensure that any friends, relatives or workmates who are in need of help, someone
to listen, or who are interested in our aims and objectives, please encourage
them to join our association.
Our
membership application will be printed on the last page of each newsletter.
Please make the effort, each month, to pass an application form to a
potential new member.
We
will always have space for members to advertise among the group for assistance
with problems or just help with anything else that you may need assistance with.
We
would like to express our gratitude to the group of members who have spent
countless hours researching Internet articles appropriate to our group.
If anyone is interested in joining this email group, or if anyone knows
or has any informative web articles, please forward them to the following
address, and we will forward them onto the group:
We
have listed a few of the many interesting web addresses for those who are
interested:
The
best, although Canadian:
http://telusplanet.net/public/sheep_/
Australian:
http://www.mensrights.com.au/
http://www.familyequity.asn.au/
Government:
http://law.gov.au/aghome/commaff/lafs/frsp/mensforum/people/14.htm
http://law.gov.au/aghome/commaff/lafs/frsp/mensforum/facts.html
http://www.familycourt.gov.au
http://www.csa.gov.au
Australian
Institute for Family Studies. Family
Court adviser for cost of living for children:
www.aifs.org.au
The
Legal Practitioners Disclipinary Tribunal.
To correct Lawyer misconduct:
http://www.sa.gov.au/agencies/lpdt/lpdt.htm
Canadian
Non Custdodian Parent & Childrens Rights Organisation:
http://www.fact.on.ca
Others:
http://www.women4fatherhood.org/
http://www.mensdefense.org
http://www.parentsplace.com
http://www.vix.com/men/nofather/dart.html